How to nail your personal vows!

Lots of couples put off writing their personal vows until the last minute because it can be a little scary! But it really doesn’t need to be! We share a few easy rules to help you along the way and loads of resources and examples online.

PS – remember, we are a resource to lean on the whole way, so if you’re struggling, please shout out! And we’ll ask to see your vows ahead of time so we can always provide some feedback or help tweak them (if that’s what you’d like).

Firstly, why should we include personal vows at our wedding ceremony?

The truth is that you don’t need to include them at all! It’s really up to you.

The reason couples choose to have personal vows is to publicly make promises to each other that are personalised and go further than the standard legal vows (which are mandatory to legally marry someone), which are to be said by each party:

Bride/Groom/Partner (repeating after Celebrant): I call upon the people here present to witness that I [Bride/Groom/Partner’s name], take you [Bride/Groom/Partner’s name] to be my lawful wedded husband/wife/spouse. 

How long should our vows be?

You seriously do not need to write chapter and verse! You should aim for maximum 1 minute or 8 – 10 lines (but your vows can be half that length if you like).

Although you’ll write your vows separately (you’ll want it to be a surprise on the day!), it’s good to sit down, do some research to look up some vow examples, and agree on a structure and length. That way, you can be confident that your vows are consistent with each other and you have a direction to follow when you’re writing them.

The structure

Agreeing on a structure is the best place to start! Below are a couple of ideas on how your vows can be structured. If you come to a consensus on this bit, you’ll feel ready to go away and fill in the blanks yourselves.

Example 1: Start each line with the same wording and fill in the blanks

The below vow-starters are from this helpful Wedshed vow writing guide:

The first time I saw you, I…

I promise to be…

I promise we’ll…

I promise to love you…

You give me…

Together, we’ll spend our lives…

Example 2: Outline a rough plan of the THEMES you want to cover

The below example plan is from this I Do Drive Thru Weddings article:

The same first line
Second line, what you like about each other
Third line, how your partner supports you
Fourth line, how you promise to show up for them
Fifth line, something silly and self-deprecating about your dynamic
Sixth line, goals for the future
Finish with the same line.

The content

Go to your secret couple questionnaires that you’ll fill out for us for inspiration – it’s all there once you’ve completed it!

Reflect on how your partner makes you feel, what they add to your life, what you love to do together, how you will support them and what your hopes and dreams are for your future together.

You don’t need to get too deep or serious. Keep it sentimental but lighthearted in some spots. You don’t have to try to be a comedian, but feel free to have fun with your vows. Just don’t forget to put in some sweet bits in too – maybe even an “I love you!”.

You need to feel comfortable saying the words out loud so be yourself and use language that comes naturally to you (now is not the time to try new words!).

 

Hmm… they still seem kinda scary!

Ok, ok, we get it! There are a couple of other options if you want some sort of personal vows but feel a bit weird about writing and saying them out loud.

Ninja vows

Ninja vows – or secret vows – are a great way to add a bit of laughter to your ceremony and make the process of writing your vows much more fun.

Instead of writing your own vows, you write vows for each other! So you can be as sweet, cheeky or outrageous as you like. Essentially when you’re writing these, you think about what you would like your partner to say about you and do for you. Some examples are:

I promise to let you have the last few McDonalds bag chips after a late night.

I promise to be interested in all the mansions you show me on realestate.com.au that we can’t yet afford.

I will always let you have the aisle/window seat on the plane.

I promise to love you even when your weird smelling fake tan is developing!

You can still agree on a format for these but write them for each other instead of for yourself. This is so much fun and your friends and family will really get a kick out of them at your ceremony!

Write down your vows and share them in a letter

If you really don’t want to read out any personal vows during the ceremony, you can still write your vows, but share them with each on the morning of your wedding in a letter. I can always reference this to your guests so they know that you have made promises to each other in a special, private way.

And finally…

We’ll ask for you to send us your vows ahead of time in case they need a bit of extra love.

On the day itself, we’ll have your vows printed so you don’t need to worry about bringing them. We’ve got you!

Good luck!

Photo credits: Maegan Brown Moments.